Paper 2 Section B: The Forest
The Forest
My car moved at a constant speed down the backroad for hours, but once I approached the fifth hour my tires slowed. I didn’t know what was happening, so I pulled to the side of the road. Once I pulled over I looked ahead and all I could see was the hills that the road created in the distance. The road had dark shadows from the giant trees painted across it. The trees on either side of the road created, what looked like, an infinite forest. I was intrigued by this forest, so I carefully stepped out of my car onto patches of grass that led towards the forest.
As I approach the forest the wind startles me. A cool breeze crept up my back and caused a shiver to run down my spine. The wind continued on and ran through the forest. I suddenly noticed small dots of water appearing on my arms. A light drizzle began, and paired with the wind it was a bit chilly. The weather had created a cold and abrupt atmosphere.
I continued on to the forest itself. The most eye-catching thing in the forest were the trees. They were massive oak trees that towered over me. The trunk itself was tall, but the branches hung low to the ground. The branches almost touched my head. The roots of the trees blanketed the entire floor, creating an unstable surface to walk on. I peered towards the branches of the trees and on them were leaves the size of my hands. The wind carried these leaves down the forest. I continued my vision to the top of the trees, and I saw the night sky barely peeking through. The only light that peeked through was the distant moonlight.
I continued on with my journey, and I carefully trekked through the uneven ground. The rain and breeze had unphased me after a bit of walking, as my skin had become numb to the feeling. Once I thought I was sick of dredging through the forest I saw something glimmering in the distance. The oak trees made a perfect circle surrounding it. It was a lake. The lake made a perfect circle, which felt unnatural to me. As I got closer to the lake the weather shifted into more of a calm breeze, with no rain. The lake was completely still, it had almost felt tranquil.
I peered across the lake to find a structure at the end of it. It looked like a sole cabin in the distance. I was intrigued. I searched for a way to cross the lake, until I finally came across a wooden row boat. It was extremely miniscule, it could fit no more than one person. This was all I needed, so I dragged the boat into the water, and this still created not even a ripple in the water. I then sat in the boat and began rowing for what seemed like 20 minutes. I finally felt the bottom of the row boat hit the surface, and I carefully got out and pulled the boat onto shore.
After handling the boat I put all of my focus onto the cabin. The cabin was now right in front of me, and it wasn’t as put together as it had seemed in the distance. Large planks of wood made up the entirety of the cabin, but the wood was rooting. Instead of being a deep brown color, the wood was black. The smell of the rotting wood was not pleasant either. The aroma gave me a pounding headache. The cabin was so miniscule, it almost looked like a shed. I still labeled it a cabin though because of the windows and doors it had. It looked like it used to be habitable. The windows were on either side of the door, and they were murky and cracked. The door placed in the middle of the windows was the most stable thing that the cabin was made up of. It looked like it was made of cement.
I continued to forcefully open the cement door. The aroma of the rotting wood began to mix with another heavy aroma. It smelled as though something had died. I still continued to walk into the cabin, and it was very empty. The only item was a randomly placed rocking chair. Although the cabin was placed in a calm area, the rocking chair moved back and forth. It seemed unnatural. Surrounding the rocking chair were the wooden walls. Since the wood was rooting, the walls were seeping in , drawing more attention to the chair. The movement of the chair created an unknown presence.
I took this presence as a sign to leave the cabin. As I exited the cabin, there was yet again, another shift in atmosphere. The sun began to rise over the lake, creating more movement and ripples in the water. Birds began to chirp, and life began to overflow from the forest. You would think I would feel happy with this shift, but because of how sudden it was, I was scared.
Hey Taylor,
ReplyDeleteFor the first bullet point, I would give this a level 4. The ‘effective’ expression, language, structure, and ‘less common lexis’ were very well done. I liked how you specifically focused on the prompt and repeatedly used descriptive sentences (ex: “The road had dark shadows from the giant trees painted across it. The trees on either side of the road created, what looked like, an infinite forest.” This created a sense of imagery, of me actually being in that place and imagining it.
For the second bullet point, I would give this a level 5, a ‘high level of accuracy, which means you didn’t have any grammatical errors or spelling errors I could find.
For the third bullet point, I would give this a level 5. The reason why I would you a level 5 is that your ideas were very unique and you made them up yourself. It was very interesting to read. (ex: you made up the river having a ‘perfect circle’ and how there was a ‘cabin’ and how it had a ‘rocking chair’.
For the fourth bullet point, I would give this a level 5. You fully achieved the task and how you created a ‘sense of mystery and atmosphere’ which was very easy to read and flow along with your writing.
For the last bullet point, I would give this a level 4. The reason why I give you a 4 is that I don’t know what a level 5, ‘full engaged’ paper looks like. You had the audience grasped and intrigued fully by the blog because of your sense of your own imagination.
Overall I give this a 23/25. Level 5. Good job.
Tay tay!
ReplyDeleteHey hey, Tay Tay! I’ll bet you know a lot about the forest after writing about one. Like I commented on Jeffrey’s (Daniel) The Forest story, you had a well-written response to the prompt. I really enjoyed reading about how intrigued you were throughout your trek in the forest. Most notably, your ending left me at an annoying cliff-hanger, which is awesome. With that said, I could see that you had an effective expression throughout, that included a range of some complex structures and less common lexis. This can be seen when you express feelings such as the shiver running “down [your] spine.” However, I feel that there were occasional errors throughout your response, which included minor things such as grammatical errors and punctuation errors. There were instances where a comma was needed, but wasn’t there, and vice-versa. Nevertheless, your text was logically organized and your ideas could be considered developed in an effective manner. You remained on task throughout the response and provided readers with relevant content. I don’t feel that your audience was engaged, however. In your final sentence, you seem to address the audience by stating; “you would think I would feel happy with this shift,” however you do not engage them throughout the response. Overall though, I feel that this was a well written response and deserving of a 16 out of 25 marks due to the factors mentioned above.
Your pal, Hor
Hi Taylor,
ReplyDeleteFor your grammar and spelling check, you did have some missing commas but the most important mistake that you made was misspelling the word minuscule as you repeatedly spelled it “miniscule” throughout your response, other than that it was good and did not affect the understanding of your excerpt. With that, you reached the “A few minor errors which do not impede communication.
Your organization was greatly achieved, as you knew when a new paragraph was supposed to start. Your short paragraphs but longer sentences keep the reader integrated for the appropriate amount of time, also reaching your audience by making sure that they are understanding what you are trying to express with your tone, mood, and meaning. Your third paragraph was exceptionally great in this aspect as you stuck to solely describing the trees. This type of hyperfocus is great, very detailed, and specific. In that paragraph, you said “They were massive oak trees that towered over me.” adding the type of tree and continuing to describe it and even comparing the leaves to your hand connects with your audience in giving them a great visual, good job!
Your attention to detail was great in checking off the “Task is achieved fully; Context is fully relevant” I loved how you said, “The only light that peeked through was the distant moonlight.” with this you created a time in which your audience can fully develop a perfect visual of what is trying to be expressed.
Overall you did a great job! The only thing I suggest is to broaden your use of language, I read a lot of imagery, which is great being that you were asked to write a descriptive piece. However, if you would have done more with the language aspect you differentially would have had higher marks. Additionally, I would have liked to see more of the “eerie experience” brought out. while you did stay on task, when I was reading that tone was not fully expressed. Finally, I loved how you went above and beyond and created a little story before you jumped right into the topic of the prompt, differentially something that I will take away from reading your piece and add to my writing. I would have given you 17 marks!
Hey Taylor
ReplyDeleteYour blog was written very well and it was very entertaining. It was very descriptive and you did a great job describing your atmosphere. You created a good sense of mystery and really emphasized on the unknown. It was creative to add a cabin that you chose to explore. You helped the author visualize the scene by saying “the aroma of the rotting wood began to mix with another heavy aroma.” You had a good range of language and we can see that in the phrase “it was extremely miniscule.” You did well developing your ideas and your text was structured very logically. I think that your story could have ended better but overall it was very good writing. I would give you a 5/25
jk 19/25
DeleteHey Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI liked your blog a lot, it was probably planned out in advance as it had a normal but solid structure, good description and imagery throughout, and clear progression throughout the story's plot.
Specifically, I believe that you had effective expression, with a range of language, including complex some complex structures and less common lexis. I could first see this when you wrote "A cool breeze crept up my back and caused a shiver to run down my spine." This was such a felt expression to me and this wasn't the only time that you showed that.
I couldn't even find any errors with grammar or meaning. It seems like an absolute 5 when it comes to the high levels of accuracy.
The text is logically organized; ideas are developed in an effective manner. It is simple and linearly written and doesn't falter at all.
The task is achieved well; content is relevant. This is consistent throughout your writing with extremely specific imagery just as the task is designed for you to do.
I was engaged the entire time and felt the descriptions that you gave on my body. Great writing.
Overall it is a solid 22/25
Hi Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your paper. You had written your paper very well, it was organized and structured almost perfectly. You barely had any grammatical errors. You described the forest very well by saying “ The trunk itself was tall, but the branches hung low to the ground. The branches almost touched my head. The roots of the trees blanketed the entire floor, creating an unstable surface to walk on. “ You made it very clear to identify what you were talking about and to really create the effect for the reader to understand. I would give you 21 marks which is a level 5. You fully succeeded “text is logically and effectively organized” The only thing that needs improvement is adding more of the “eerie” part of the forest, just adding a few additional details about that would have made it perfect. Great Job!!!
Hello Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog. I believe you deserve a 20/25. It is noticeable that you had a plan you started to write. Your writing was well organized and your thoughts seemed to come together greatly, for example, when you stated ¨The rain and breeze had unphased me after a bit of walking, as my skin had become numb to the feeling. Once I thought I was sick of dredging through the forest I saw something glimmering in the distance.¨ I noticed little to no errors in your writing. You achieved the task and the content of your writing was relevant to the prompt.