Paper 2 Question 1
Your Guide to Marco Island Academy
About Us
Walking into a new school is undeniably scary. New teachers, new friends and a new atmosphere. It can be overwhelming. Marco Island Academy is the school for you to start your journey. MIA is a fairly small school, with nearly 300 students enrolled. This allows you to easily grow connections with both teachers and your peers. Use what MIA provides and roll with it.
Stay in Tune Academically
Marco Island Academy is an A rated school. You will be given opportunities like no other. MIA provides a variety of classes that include the AICE program. The AICE program will challenge you, and it provides you with the chance to receive your Florida Bright Futures Scholarship. In this program you will be challenged so it is vital that you go into it with a serious mindset that is ready to learn. Your first step will be to get the correct class materials, and ensure you are staying on top of your work!
Associate Yourself with the Right People
As mentioned, Marco Island Academy is a fairly small school, and associating yourself with the right people is so important. In class sit next to people that you feel will add to you academically. This means people that won’t distract you. Additionally, the social situation at lunch is made into a bigger deal than it actually is. All you should know is that you should sit with people that make lunch enjoyable.
Clubs to Look Out For
Clubs are one of the major assets that make up MIA. Within the first week of school you will begin to see advertisements for various clubs to join. Pay close attention to these! Clubs are a great way for you to meet new people, and to volunteer within your community. MIA provides various clubs that include Key Club, Interact, Student government, Science National Honor Society, National Honor Society, Spanish Honor Society and so much more. Watch out for dates on informational meetings, so you can learn more about the club.
Plan Your Future at MIA
Entering high school puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on students. With this, walk into MIA with a fresh mindset. Your teachers and staff will be with you along the entire journey. They understand the stress and struggles of being a student, and they are there to work with you.
Commentary:
The genre that I chose to write in was non-fiction. This is because I was tasked to write about my school, and this is based on real people, real events and a real place. I outlined this clearly by using various statistics like having “nearly 300 students enrolled” and MIA being an “A rated school”. This just provides further credibility.
I was additionally tasked to write in the form of a leaflet. I believe I achieved this thoroughly by my use of a heading and subheadings. The heading “Your Guide to Marco Island Academy” draws the reader in and directly calls out the reader. It allows the reader to know that this leaflet is for them, and it will begin giving them advice. Which is exactly what the prompt asked for.
The subheadings give the reader a brief overview of what will be discussed, which contributes to clarity of the leaflet. The short and concise paragraphs that I used also do this same thing, and it continues to keep the reader engaged.
The language used throughout was informal. This was again to target the student audience. If formal language was used it would have bored the students. The short paragraphs and personalized leaflet contribute to the informal language. Additionally, within the language the point of view that I used is second person, which directly calls out the reader. I did this through my usage of “you”.
To start, your blog takes the form of a leaflet and is clearly laid out with a main heading, 'Your Guide to Marco Island Academy', and smaller sub-headings to categorize each paragraph. I think that your opening did a very good job on introducing the audience to what the leaflet will be talking about. You also do a very good job making the student feel talked to. Besides your use of the second person, you state things like 'undeniably scary' to make the new students feel more comfortable. The new students are being directly spoken to with the second person and this stays consistent throughout. I will mention that I think your paragraphs are too long and the sentences are too complex for the style of the topic. As the question asks you to write an informational leaflet, you achieved this task. However, bullet points or shorter sentences would be more beneficial to fitting the form. I also think it would be beneficial if you added facts that are timely, like how they will feel during that first week.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I would score 9 marks for AO2. There are some grammatical errors throughout with commas, but overall it was very good.
I think your analysis was lacking. You begin by mentioning that the genre you chose to write in was nonfiction. While this may be true, I don't believe that it is relevant to what the question is really looking for. You then continue to explain that you were asked to write about your school; however this was not the case. The question specifically asked you to write a leaflet for new students, not just from your school. Therefore, your first paragraph is not needed. Your second paragraph gives a good analysis on the form used. You expand well on your use of 'heading and subheadings'. Here, you also analyze how the writer's stylistic choices relate to the audience and shape meaning. While it is brief, you mention 'draws the reader in' and 'keeps the reader engaged.' You also did a good job commenting on the language being informal, as well as the text being written in the second person by showing the use of 'you'.
Overall, I would give you 5 marks for the AO3. The commentary was very short and only briefly mentioned topics.
For AO2, I would give you eleven marks. You wrote an effective, creative, and appropriate leaflet ideal for the aimed audience. Your title was ‘Your Guide to Marco Island Academy,’ which identified your school and what your leaflet’s main focus was on. All your subheadings covered a lot of ground, and each one gave a piece of advice.
ReplyDeleteYour leaflet contained an ‘effective’ range of language choices and some intricate sentences. You had no spelling errors, and your communication was clear. Everything you said was logical and helpful to incoming students. The organization was well structured and easy to follow as well.
For AO3, I would give you four marks. Through your commentary, you addressed the structure, language, and form choices. You proclaimed your genre as ‘non-fiction’, considering everything was based on real people and a real place. The form was written via leaflet, and you included every necessity needed. You briefly conversed about the structure and use of the subheadings + paragraphs. You finished your commentary off by talking about language. The language was ‘informal,’ and the point of view was in ‘second-person.’
Even though you addressed and analyzed the elements, your commentary lacks words. Adding more quotes or examples could've helped add to the word count.